All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
you never un-have a 4some
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
