Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
