Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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