a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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