I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
