I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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