i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
