two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
