$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
