I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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