I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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