We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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