tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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