I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
