I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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