Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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