Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
