I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
