how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
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I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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