She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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