I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He's a Shit stain on my heart
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
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