Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
