I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i already hear my dad disowning me
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
