Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
