The maid of honor just puked.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Are we still banned from the library?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
