im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
