She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
