I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
