and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
