Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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