"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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