Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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