get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
