The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize