First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
