I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
