Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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