its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
