i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
