plz talk dirty to me
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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