so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
