my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
P.S. I can't hear my feet
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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