there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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