Duck Duck Cougar?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
