Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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