You smell like a Billy Joel song
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
