I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I've blown a few things in my day
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
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