What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
