Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
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Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
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Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
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