Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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