Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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