haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
