you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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