My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
