There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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