I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
So vagazzling was a success
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