Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
