He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
