Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
