would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
