I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
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