real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
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Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
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I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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