i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
