apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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