please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
