i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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