he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
