kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
