I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
