I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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