Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
