i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
