Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
