Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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